People of Worth

Yeah! I got a new notebook today; new pen & new thoughts (one can only hope). Sitting outside of a sleazy smoke filled dive waiting on a friend for drinks. Of course, prompt me is the first one here & already 'Old Tom' has introduced himself & offered that must touch you of a hand shake.
Obliged, my hand goes out for that momentary superficial human touch. Rough hands, callused & insulated from all conductivity. No electrical connection to be found. But the friendly smile will not be suppressed; acknowledgment of one's humanness. A person or worth, his own story, his own path. Miles spent in those shoes. Who am I to judge those glossy eyes in that smoke filled dive? For all I know he's done nothing but strive to survive life's circumstances, just like me.

Perhaps he's in a perpetual state of blissful ignorance; happy & content with that shot of tequila & salty lime chaser. Why would he engage into the tortured depths of the deep thinker's mind? Why not be content with the potential pick up perceived in that moment? For all he knows, I'm just as skanky as the next bar HO, except in better clothes. Why not give it a shot? He's surely used to the rejection from the pretty faces. Though, he probably even got lucky a time or two with a lovely shallow simple mind looking for validation in the midst of all the other barflys. A girl happy & content with the attentions of someone who doesn't want to beat the crap out of her & blacken those blue, once beautiful eyes.

Indeed! Who am I to ponder the lack of complexities of those seeming simples? It's so pretentious to think I'M ALL THAT, yet I know there is more here than the general population.
Simple vs. complex - Something I've pondered before & am still seeking the answer to. For the simple thinkers, life seems easier; though I know it's not.

Perhaps that state of oblivion is a protective shield to those who need it. Lord knows I do & often seek that force field for my ride through life's atmospheric layer, back from the darkened empty ride in to the voided spaces of recent experiences. Knowing I must endure the raging fire of that re-entry to life's cooling ocean waters. Ready to be rescued by those Navy Seals. At their mercy, sitting in the sealed pod, unable to release the latched gate to the fresh salty air that fills and feeds my restless soul.

Life's too precious not to endure. I don't REALLY want to avoid that pain, fury & conflict. I seek the rewards to be found in those growing pains. The torture is worth the gain. At least that's what I tell myself.

How nice it would be to exist in the mindless dribble I often think. But when those thoughts are void & the emptiness prevails, I am alone & out of relationship with the brilliant minds. The realization of what's missing dominates and perpetuates my thoughts. Thus in the end, I seek to feed this compulsion, my quest for meaning.

Hoping to offer just a small fraction of what I take away. A burning desire to replenish the fresh waters recovering properties. Making restitution for the life sucking leaches of my ancestors, of myself many times. God help me to give more than I take. Potential carries such responsibility to give, love, forgive and empathize. If not from me, then who?

'All We Need is Love' so the song goes. To be a giver & not the taker is my quest & calling. Unworthy in my charge, but willing to give it my one & only shot, over and over and over again.